By J.B. Shurk
I object to the way the Democrats stole this election. This was just a straight-up smash-and-grab job. No creativity or panache whatsoever. Shouldn’t the Hollywood Party be capable of putting something together that’s a little more…I don’t know…believable?
“So here’s the premise. We’re gonna run an Alzheimer’s patient who’s been repeatedly humiliated by scandal in his party’s presidential primaries since 1987, who probably thinks he’s still running against Bush and Dukakis, and who can’t remember what office he’s campaigning for at any given time. And we’re gonna cover his face in a black mask and have him challenge voters to parking lot fistfights.”
“Okay, okay, sounds like a funny gimmick.”
“No, no, it’s a drama. Think King’s Speech meets Forrest Gump. Every time he says something inexplicable, he’ll blame it on a childhood lisp…or the Russians. He’ll campaign exclusively from his basement and only then to remind people to be afraid of a Chinese-made virus that’s somehow the fault of European white imperialism.”
“You’re kidding. That’s it?”
“Oh, and he’ll constantly promise to hike gas prices back over four bucks a gallon at the pump.”
“So he loses in a rout, then?”
“Oh, no, Americans will find the eighty-year-old so charismatic and hip that he’ll receive more votes than any presidential candidate in American history.”
“Wait a second — so you’re saying that the Republicans will play the ‘stupid party’ in this script, stumble over their own feet, and lose to a dimwit?”
“No, all the Republicans will be big winners in the House, Senate, in the state legislatures across the board. Even their presidential candidate will receive almost ten million more votes than during his previous winning election. But our guy is just such a compelling candidate that Americans in a handful of battleground states will be drawn to vote for him in numbers never seen before. It’s kinda like the ending to Field of Dreams — you know, “the people will come,” and all that, except our guy really won’t know whether he’s in Iowa or the afterlife. Oh, and he’ll have a coked-out son who’s a national security nightmare, in the pockets of the Chinese communists, and forever losing his laptop in strip clubs overseas while in a blacked-out stupor.”
“And the son goes to jail?”
“Oh, no, he becomes attorney general. Really inspiring stuff.”
All that purported Hollywood talent and George Soros money at their disposal, and the Democrats managed only to produce a political heist so awful and incoherent that Gigli, Battlefield Earth, and Highlander 2: The Quickening look Oscar-worthy by comparison. George Lucas and “Howard the Duck” are somewhere watching this mess together and saying, “That just doesn’t make any sense.” This is what you get with Chinese financing, though. First, Matt Damon shows up at the Great Wall, and then Joe Biden receives ten million more votes than Obama did in his last election. The Chinese live action we’re being forced to watch has decided that Biden was always the big vote-getter in 2008 and 2012 and that Obama just rode to the White House on the Delaware Stallion’s coattails. Clearly, something has been lost in translation.
I can’t decide whether the Democrats think we’re all as stupid as Chris Wallace and will find the statistically impossible outcomes in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania somehow believable if the Soviet-like press repeats the lie enough, or whether they’re asserting their dominance by just strutting right out in the open with no fear, taking long drags on their cigarettes, and declaring: “That’s right; we’re not even gonna pretend anymore. No matter how mind-bogglingly many votes Trump receives, we’ll just keep dumping anonymous, single-entry ballots for Biden right out on the table until you choke on the network narratives saluting our victory. When we promised ‘hope and change,’ we meant ‘Pravda and gulag,’ and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”
My confusion doubled when the New Soviet Party dragged out Bush, Romney, and the Ghost of McCain to bless the Biden Miracle in the Rust Belt. Those family clans took to their knees so fast in deference to the Great and Magnificent Joe that I wondered whether castration was the price for their survival. Ol’ George marched a lot of Americans off to fight two wars after they stood by him during his own election nightmare twenty years ago but didn’t seem to bat an eye before cutting down over 71 million Trump voters at the knees and choosing obedience to the D.C. machine over loyalty to his battle-hardened voters. The McCain holdovers have been nothing but gleeful (and spiteful) about working hard to deliver Arizona to the socialists, and, of course, Miserable Mitt never misses an opportunity to mistake his sinful devotion to himself as peculiarly divine.
Bush, McCain, and Romney never voted for President Trump; they never lifted a finger to help President Trump; and they made it pretty clear that they never really held us in much esteem, either. So trotting out the Old Guard from the Pre-Trump Era to vouch for the authenticity of this election made about as much sense as watching Trump over-perform in Democrat precincts throughout the country while losing in Democrat cities that hauled in twice as many votes as voters registered.
Shouldn’t George Bush recognize “fuzzy math” when even professional statisticians are scratching their heads at the voting anomalies that produced a Biden lead? Unexplained and unsupervised ballot dumps at four in the morning that come pouring out of the kind of rollable luggage more common in shady drug deals than first-world elections don’t inspire much confidence. Neither does the word of a crew of leftover Republicans who left liberty-loving Americans long ago to join forces with Globalism, Inc. Sadly, the Republican leaders sandwiched between Reagan and Trump have had more in common with our Democrat overlords than they ever did with us, and when they demand that Republicans treat this election theft as something legal and democratic, they just sound like a bunch of witless wimps who believe that type of “read my lips” Republicanism still works on the masses. Outside their Lincoln Project fan base and the socialist appeasers of the corporate world, nobody’s buying what they’re selling.
Either the Democrats are so pig-ignorant as to who we are that they thought we’d be impressed with election integrity endorsements from the Republican equivalent of a “New Kids on the Block” reunion tour or they just want us to watch as they make fools of our former leaders and force them into acts of submission.
Whatever the reason, none of this can be good for America. Reports of computer software “glitches” designed by companies controlled by Democrat power players. Two-hundred-percent Democrat turnout in some areas that magically appeared in the record after Trump’s expanded share of the minority vote had elevated his totals from 2016. Likely illegal ballot-harvesting run amok. Ballots being backdated by the United States Postal Service. Easily documented out-of-state and dead voters showing up in the returns. This kind of in-your-face election fraud goes beyond the Democrats’ usual more subtle electoral dark arts. They’re not hiding anything anymore.
In 2020, nothing is on the up-and-up. Reality is being replaced with Pravda reality before our eyes, and Americans are noticing. Either the Democrats’ ability to craft Hollywood propaganda as truth is coming to an end, or they’re so certain that they will hold power forever that they no longer need to pretend reality is a constraint at all.
